How to...

 

 How to Fall Off Of A Porch

Unless you have perfected this experience already, this little "how to" may give you some helpful hints, should you ever be interested in taking your own plunge.

First: You will need to clean your porch.  You will need a broom.

Second:  Invite your faithful friend to come and sit on the porch while you sweep.

Third:  You will need to notice something very precious to you.  For me, I noticed the little red bird feeder that my Dear Dad made for me several years ago. (It is a "to be" project.  You know... it needs to be hung in a tree... later.)

Fourth:  While you are sweeping, remember the bird feeder and miss step to keep from stepping on it.

Fifth: Now that you have lost your balance, reach for something very unstable.. yes a little chair will do.

Next:  As the unstable chair tries to run away from you ... hang on to it....with all your might.

Then:  As you and the chair head swiftly to the edge of the porch...don't let go of the chair...it's your duty to save it...

While:  You are flying over the edge... wonder if anyone is watching this episode of your life.

After:  You have landed ... its ok to question whether or not you are still among the living.

Because:  Your faithful friend has taken this opportunity to lick you in your face and breathe his horrible breath into your nose...

You know ... yep I'm still kicking!